more random surfing

Pacific Fertility Center
and this, ladies and gentlemen, is the kind of thing that I run across in my rare wanderings around the net... this, too, is brought to you by craig's list.

I love the Blog This! button...

Do you have a REALITY TELEVISION PROGRAM IDEA?

Do you have a REALITY TELEVISION PROGRAM IDEA?

here you go, folks; the wonders of Craig's list are abundant and amazing. I plan to write in and tell them that my life should be a reality show. Or maybe not; it is possible that I don't want every nuance of my life scrutinized by the American public. Then again, maybe I could change the world, or help get Bush out of office, or at least make a lot of connections and money.

more than you may want to know.

ok. so.

Those of you who don't know me - well, you don't know me, so let me start here.
I'm not really Christian in any definable sense. I used to define myself as Pagan, but a couple of years ago I had a complete failing of faith. Since then, I have had a very hard time of it in the faith/religion department.
I have to tell you that my mom was raised in a Catholic manner, and a lot of it still shows. Some of it we refer to in a half-joking manner as "Nun trauma"- if you saw some of her art you would totally understand. (she's incredibly good, and I don't say that because she's my mom at all.) Anyway. I learned the Lord's prayer as a child, but didn't learn the Hail Mary until teen years. My family likes those tall seven day candles, believes in the love of our ancestors, but never really went to church at all. We believe in things like empathy - as in recieving and reacting to other people's emotions. We believe in energy flows, and that they can be manipulated by such things as Reiki and Feng Shui. We like Tarot cards and rosaries, for entirely different reasons, and maybe a couple that are very similar. We believe in the messages in dreams and old wive's tales. We believe in ghosts and auras and guardian angels and omens. We believe in good and evil as active forces in the world, and we also believe that people have destinies and free will all at once.
A few people over the years have convinced me to attend once or twice; I've barely escaped baptism probably at least three times; I've been interested in building altars and rituals since a young age and honestly I don't see how modern spell casting is all that different from intense prayer, really. Aside from all the trappings, I mean. Candles and incense and whatnot.
Anyway.
So I find Leif's blog through someone else's links somehow, and I like the way he writes. Very much so. And through reading his old posts, I discover that he swears with the best of us, talks about sex drugs and rock and roll (and not in the derogatory manner, really) and - get this - he's a preacher.

Holy shit.


(No pun intended, really.)

I have studiously avoided church of any kind for a very long time now, had unpleasant experiences with religious types and generally sworn off the stuff.
But now there is Leif.
I'm not really sure how I feel about this.
I feel...
... totally off balance.
I try to feel the flow of my life and go with it, to fall into that current that sweeps us along so easily sometimes -- and I know that you all have experienced it, that you know what I am talking about.

I so don't want to sound like a freak. I'm not really sure how much of what I'm feeling is credible; I've been known to be horribly, horribly wrong. I've made some fantastic mistakes.

So how do I say that I feel like God is calling me without sounding like a nut?
Yeah, I didn't think I could either.


We will talk more about this later.

damn stupid yahoo mail...

I don't know if anyone else has been having this problem, but it is not helping my insecurities or my persecution fears.

In a normal situation, the mail a person has not read is all together at the top of the page because it is recent and new.

My Yahoo mail has a personality - I go to check it, it tells me I have mail. But recently, it has not been all together at the top of the page, and it is not all new. As in I just checked my yahoo account today, after a few days as is my normal habit, and it tells me I have 13 new mails. fine. I like mail.

However, the new mail is scattered through the old mail, and some of it was dated things like 6/13, 6/18,6/23.


W.
T.
F.
*
Am I finding myself a victim of the privacy invasion act, also known as Patriot? Am I the victim of some truly bored hacker that is wasting his talent trying to look at the pseudo-porn that some forum keeps sending me because I am too lazy (or busy, depending on how you look at it) to unsubscribe from their list? Because these new mails aren't things that I had looked at and ignored for the time being. They are completely new to me, and I have checked my mail either on or in between the dates mentioned above. So what the hell is going on?
Maybe the forums have fucked up mail systems. But why would the mails be dated like that? Wouldn't they be dated as the day recieved? Isn't that supposed to be the miracle of e-mail, that shit gets sent and delivered on the same day? what the hell? When did the nice, dependable, solid world of electrons and pretty lights become as fucked up and unreliable as the world of physical reality?

*
I did have a different post all written out, but the computer decided that I didn't need that part, I guess. It was just suddenly gone. I was so pissed. I'm still kind of bent.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Uncle is in the hospital for a third time. He had been in the hospital from the second fall, and they recommended that he go into a nursing home. He agreed, but I can only imagine how much it hurt his pride. I can only imagine how he must have cursed his failing body and the system that won't help him die.
Why is it kindness to put down an old, beloved pet, and yet it is cruelty to help an ailing, aged, beloved relative die?

hey, check it out.

I got linked to by someone I don't know at all. How cool is that?

There are now only 34 days before my birthday! My birthday is July 29, for those of you who don't want to bother with the math. I want to swim and drink frozen margaritas for my birthday, and I haven't gotten much further than that. I would like to try and go to Dallas to see Ninsi and meet Phlome and Zero. I'm not sure what else I want to do, and I don't have a whole lot of ideas as to what I want for my birthday, but if you ask, I'm sure I can come up with something. So.

If anyone has any ideas, I'm listening.

ok. that's all I can do for today.

um.

Ok. one of these days, maybe, I will put a schedule together for myself and actually stick to it. as it is, I come home, peel off nasty dirty work clothes (sometimes more so than others, due to where in the system I am that day) and get in the shower. get out, eat dinner that Luigi has prepared, watch some tv, then surf. I try to limit my computer time after work to just blogs, but that can take a couple of hours easily by itself. I think it might be easier if I had access at work, or at least had time to access the internet. But I don't. (And this is one of the things that I am jealous about: you office type people get computer time during your day. You also have air-conditioned office type jobs of the desk variety. How I envy you most of the time.)
Therefore, anything I want to do on the box is after shower/before sleep. And depending on my schedule for the week, this sometimes is not much time. For example: today, again, I am up past my bed time. but Luigi is asleep, Dr. Nick has left, and noone else I know is awake to talk at this hour, as if I really wanted to spend time on the phone.

So.
Things to talk about tomorrow:
1) the Rider story.
umm...
2) my book/story ideas
3) "Fiona, my storm-colored car" poem
4) Birthday plans/desires
5) company picnic
6) the "tool" story
surely i can write something about one of these things tomorrow.
any requests?

by the way

The Princess Bride is one of the greatest movies ever. If you don't agree, I have some suggestions for you.
But what is it, exactly, that makes it so wonderful?
The costumes are fabulous. The sets are beautiful, even if some of it is obviously fake. The music, though extremely simple and synthesized, works so well. I can only guess that it is the whole experience, the sum of the parts.
btw, has any one ever noticed that Buttercup's hair changes through the movie? Watch, it's kind of interesting.

btw, I signed up for Gmail if anyone still needs an invite.

btw, I suck; I missed Ninsi's mail about lunch by hours and hours.

btw, my cat's name is Bella Speck; my brother, Dr. Nick, calls her Danger Cat; we sometimes call her Ninja Girl because she does that window ninja thing; other wise we just call her Meow-Meow; she is incredibly smart and a stinker. She prefers Meow mix. She prefers to drink from a mug or a cup, not a bowl. She loves to chase small flying things, but when faced with a medium sized moth, she's not really sure what to do. We spend money on official cat type toys; however, she prefers the rings off of milk jugs and a tiny plastic mouse figurine out of a quarter machine. She loves catnip tied up in a bandanna.

btw, did you know that there is no cent sign on a keyboard? does it not exist anymore?

btw, Scooter/(Rider) had a nickname, but for some reason didn't tell me about it until recently: he is sometimes known as Tinker/ Tinkerman. So.

btw, I plan to put up a list on the sidebar sometime soon so that you know who is who in my postings. As soon as I figure it out.

btw, I don't think I like this abbreviation, but it is easier than typing the whole thing. I suppose.

someday I may tell you things about me. more important things than what I think about politics or the weather or movies or books or music or the media or the war or food or wine or anything. Things about me, and the way I work, the way I think, the way i feel... because I am a leo and therefore it is all about me.

btw, I miss having rice cakes and peanut butter as a snack. I miss the days when people thought I was just so damn weird because I ate rice cakes and salad and drank water instead of plastic fruit roll ups and twinkies and fake juice. it pisses me off to think that all those little bastards that gave me shit for what I liked are now all so damn hoity-toity about eating these things now. Assholes. Sorry little bastards. I hope their lives are empty and unfulfilling, just the way I figured they would be. Not that i truly care, you understand; I just want to be right about this in my own head. That's the only place it really matters, anyway.

I guess that's enough of that.

!@$^%^&$#@#%*&%$#!

dammit, every time I try to niftify this thing it does something weird. I don't know why the comments thing is all @$#&*^-erd up, but it is. No, wait, the lettering is just white. Grr. I'll work on that later.

Aside from this, I think I like this template.
And the weather is nice today.
And maybe Ninsi will call me tomorrow.

But for now, I am going to go out and stomp around in the dark, I think.

summer

I love summer.
I love warm weather, the way the air feels, the fact that I can swim in an outdoor pool;
I love the sound of the birds in the day, the insects at night;
I love the fresh fruit that is available: watermelon, peach, nectarine, cherry;
I love the thunderstorms, I love driving with the windows down;
I love the green trees and the grass;
I love bees and butterflies and toads in the garden;
I love barbecue and the smell of honeysuckle;
I love fireflies and the smell of warm concrete in the evening, just after the sun has gone down;
I love wearing sandals and shorts;
I love the rose garden in Woodward Park in the moonlight;
I love popsicles and rootbeer floats on the porch;
I love lying in the shade of a beautiful tree, where the grass is still warm;
I love playing in the park with friends until the sun goes down, and feeling the night breeze come up;
I love watching my favorite childhood movies while lying on the floor after I've been for a good swim;
I love the way streetlights look when seen through the filter of dense green leaves;
I love hearing one lone bird awake in the quietest part of the night;
I love the way the air smells after a gentle rain, and I love the way that rain sounds;
I love the visiting waterfowl, and turtles that sun on floating logs;
o, my friends, I love summer.


all things green, all things warm, gentle rain and furious storms;
fresh fruit, insect sounds, migratory birds;
silky breezes, satin water, sunsets that man can neither duplicate nor describe;
food and friends and lazy days;
sight, sound, smell, taste, feel;
there is nothing like summer.

girl talk, part 2

bunny said: I wanted to post on the last one, basically affirming your stance and wondering why menstruation holds such weird taboo power. Men are squeamish about these things. Why?


ninsi said: i have a few ideas:
1) "never trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die"
2) they don't understand, and therefore fear it
3) we bitch about it so much, they've associated negatively with it
4) historically perhaps even historically, it's been taboo
5) most people consider stuff that comes out of ones nether regions gross + most people consider blood gross = menstration = supergross

ok. here's my thoughts on her points, and she's got some good ones.

1) Do NOT ever say this to my face. It will piss me of somethin' fierce, and I won't be able to be civil to you for quite some time. This is such a piece of bullshit that it almost makes me completely inarticulate, even now. I think that it is a cover for the reality, which starts with the next point.
2) I think this is more like a real answer. But I still think it's kind of a cop out.
Fellas. This is not that scary. Just ask your girl about it, have an adult conversation. If it freaks you out to talk to your partner, ask a female friend. Ask me, I'll be straight with you. Think about it this way: if she's on her period, she's not pregnant.
3) We do bitch about it. And we do tend to do it a lot. But there are a couple of reasons for that. It it a shift in hormones, fellas, and it happens to you too, just not as dramatically. And it is uncomfortable. It does make things hurt, and our clothes tend to not fit right. But almost always we would rather go through this than be pregnant. Almost.
4)It has been taboo for just about forever. But that doesn't mean it has to continue to be. It also used to be taboo for women to show their ankles, or wear their hair down before/after they were married. Think about it.
5)ok. I can give on this one. HOWEVER, I still think that this attitude is prudish and artificial; I think that girls that act all squeamish and freaked out by this subject are just putting on an act that they think is neccessary. I find this a juvenile attitude/behavior. I also think it shows a distinct gap in education, or perhaps intelligence.

There was something I was going to post about today, but I got distracted by this thought line. If I think of it later, I will write it down so I can tell you about it ...

ok, fine.

so you don't have anything to say about the last post. that's ok, I can't expect you to happily twitter away about whatever I put up. But you all know I'm right... and as confirmation, the world has just supplied a commercial for pads with quieter wraps. sigh. Just remember I talked about it first.


SO what would you like to read about?
There are so many things I can't post about, and of course those are always the most interesting things...

how about this. I was listening to NPR on the way to work today, as usual, and Fresh Aire was interviewing this man named David Sedaris (here is how to hear it) and he said something really interesting. He was talking about how you never know what tomorrow will bring, that you never know what will grab your attention, what you will become obsessed with. He said that you can't conceive of what will interest you tomorrow, or the day after. This is true; now if it was just that every day you could run across something that would affect you in this way then we would really be moving.

girl talk

watch out, guys. girl talk.

I love talking with the Goat. She is so cool, kind of punk rock feminism hiding out in the quiet urban world, waiting to "disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed". (that's what the sticker on the dash of Soda says. Soda is her car.)
Any way. She and I have these conversations sometimes about the world, and what it is to be a girl in it. I haven't yet discussed this topic with her, but I'm sure it will come up soon.

So.
Why is it that we, as women, feel it necessary to sneak around as much as possible to try and hide the fact that we are having our periods? Now, I'm not talking about standing up and announcing "I'm gonna go change my pad/tampon now" while waving your various neccessary articles. I agree with the little black bag theory, I have one myself, but I find myself trying to hide even that sometimes. I have decided that this is an unneccesary action. A discreet action is fine, but trying to act like it's not what is happening is ridiculous. I should not feel embarrased that this is happening, or that other people are seeing me leave my work station to go deal with this part of my life. In turn, they should not be embarrassed about seeing me go. This really should be a non-issue, not a source of stress for anyone. It simply is a thing that is, kind of the way that men adjust themselves simply is a thing that is. Every one is probably aware of the action, but it is not mentioned at any time. It simply is.

I am incredibly lucky in the fact that I have Luigi, who is interested in knowing what is happening to me and how it works and affects me. He usually is more aware of my timing than I am, and tends to be at least two steps ahead of me, prepared for my outrageous behaviour before I get there. And he is always understanding and patient when I am my most girly and pathetic. But he doesn't hold it over me, as if it were a true failing of mine instead of a side effect.

Ok. That's my commenting for the day...
I'll think of something less... exciting... for tommorrow.

What the hell?

Raisin smuggling? Smuggling raisins?? what are you talking about?

too much is going on. And it is hard for me to get to the computer to fill you in on a more regular basis. But I am trying, bear with me.

So:

1) Uncle is in the hospital. He's the only elder I have left, really, but he's 83, and I think that he's ready to be done, now. He's old, and tired, and lived a full life. He has been independent for so long, and now he is almost completely dependent on other people, for almost anything. It hurts his pride, tremendously, and all we can do is just wait for him to die. It is moments like this that I really wish, honestly, that there was some way to help him go. I'll probably catch a lot of shit for this, but I don't give a hairy damn. At this point it is a waste of effort and resources keeping him here, and I know he agrees with me, so don't look at me like that. But because the religious groups are the controlling power, there is nothing we can do but wait. And I hate to see him just deteriorate like this.

If I can think more coherently about this, I may write later.
And by the way, don't comment if you are just going to say nasty things to me about my feelings on the situation. No, wait. Go ahead and post nasty things. It will just give me something to really scream about later. You have been warned.


next:
2) Space Ghost is on tv right now! NOT Space Ghost Coast to Coast, but the old school cartoon, the real thing! wow... (1966, I never would have guessed...) I always loved this cartoon, and frankly it kind of pisses me off that there are people who think that the C2C is the only way Space Ghost has been or will be.

3) the rent fiasco.
Due to another long story I don't feel like typing, someone from the office at Dr. Nick's apt. came by on Wed. (or was it thurs?) Just walked in, just as Scooter (Rider, from before. another story. I know.) reached to open the door. This lady said oh, we didn't know anyone was still here. Scooter said yes, Dr. Nick still lives here, and I just moved in because the other guy finally left. The lady said oh, well, we had this apt. noted as a possible skip.
When Scooter relayed this info to me on Thurs at work, I just about came unglued. I had paid the rent on the 3rd, and I know they got it processed immediately (and I mean the same damn day) because I got an overdraft fee for it because my paycheck didn't arrive until the next day, and I was like $10 short for his rent. So you see why I was spoiling for a fight, wanting a head on a stick like a tiki torch in my front yard...
So today (fri) we get up early, leave by 9 A.M. to go to the bank and get a copy of the processed check to prove to these damn fools that I paid them and that they took it. We leave the bank, call the guys to tell them we're on our way, and we make the apt office by 10, I think.
I don't like the people in his office. Bunch of empty headed disorganized egg-faced nimrod women. The four of us walk in, each one of us ready and willing to verbally throw down with these paper pushing moron office monkeys. I take that back, it's an insult to monkeys. Anyway, I think that our collective mood was easily detected, and it didn't take a lot of work to get the situation sorted out. They decided that yes, the rent was paid, and on time, and that they were just confused as to which apartment they were supposed to be looking at. so the guys settled a little bit of further business with them, and we went on to breakfast. We went to Jimmy's Egg; I highly reccomend it. Fabulous food, great prices.
Oh, and the lady at the bank was fabulous also, super kudos to her. She was very helpful and friendly AND she refunded the overdraft fees that resulted from the rent check going through that day. She rocked, and we told her so. Go bank girl.

4) the sparrow at work.
I'll tell you this story later, there is already plenty for today.

5) The Jungle Book: the book vs Disney's animated character assasination - I mean, movie.
I won't start on that today. I'll save that for a day when I have nothing else to write about and feel like getting all wound up and pissed off.

PLUM SMUGGLERS

what can I say about this phrase. Do any of you know what this phrase refers to?
Well, let me tell you.

Luigi was flipping channels and finds "Reno 911". Have any of you watched this yet?
Anyway, one of the characters (a female, the kind of square frumpy one) was talking about another character (who always wears shorts b/c he rides a bicycle) and she said something about "those plum smugglers of his" or something to that effect. I'm afraid I'm not perfectly clear on the quote as my brain fell out of gear at the words "plum smugglers".
Just thought I'd share that with everyone.

point and click psychology

You have a great need for other people to like and admire you.

You have a great deal of unused capacity which you have not turned to your advantage.

Disciplined and self-controlled outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure inside.

You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations.

You pride yourself as an independent thinker and do not accept others statements without satisfactory proof.

You have a tendency to be critical of yourself.

At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing.

At times you are extroverted, sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, reserved.

While you have some personality weaknesses, you are generally able to compensate for them.


I agree with Neko that the last line is a bit disconcerting. "Personality weaknesses"? Why do they have to be weaknesses? Can't they just be personality details or facets or something?
Aside from that, does anyone else find it strange or odd or... something... that we all love these internet quizzes? We love to take these little tests, and let them tell us stuff about ourselves that we probably already knew, even if we don't think about it very often. I'm not sure exactly what that means, but I'm sure it means something.

Hello, boyos

Did you miss me? Apparently not, from the lack of comment love... sigh.
Don't you even want to know what happened? Why I wasn't posting, just when I was getting on a roll?

Of course you do.

So I'll tell you:

Wed. afternoon, at about 2:30; a really good storm was blowing through. And I mean really good. The sky was almost black, the clouds were grey against it and moving so fast. The power kept flickering; going off for just long enough to be off and then coming back on, and then at about 2:45 or 3, just as we were getting to see on tv just what was going on (you know how you have to wait for the tv to get itself together after you turn it on) the power went out. Like completely off.
I thought seriously about not going to work.
But work, of course, says they are just under T-storm warning, come on in.
Bastards.
So I go to work.
I come home, thinking about a nice hot shower, and there is still no power. But there is still hot water in the tank, hurrah.
No power the next day, when I get up.
grr.
go to work.
come home, still no power. Go to brother's apt. for showering things. go home.
Get up next day and..... still no power. Luigi is SO not happy; misses sweet electronic nectar.
Do stuff. Go to bed.
Wake up at about 6, 6:30 thinking "crap. we left the closet light on." get up. Turn off misc. lights and tv, go back to bed.
Wake up later, revel in the sweet circulating conditioned air, and hear Luigi happily poking box, killing things and watching tv.
Think about how quiet it was with no power.
Think about how nice it was, in a way.
Think about how it brought to mind childhood memories of so many things.
Wonder if power returning was a good thing.
Wonder how fridge will smell after so long with no power.
Get up, pay electric bill.
Think some more about using it less.


This, of course, is the short version.
I may fill in with more detail later.

Definetly after sleep, however.

just another manic... umm, tuesday.

yeah, another day in the world of the oven makers. just another day, sorry - didn't even get to talk to Fuzzy Buddy today, so no wild theories.
so, let me dig up one of my "remind me" topics... I need a place in the side bar to list these things...

Ok. So, I can tell you about the time Pretzel & Goat went swimming in the fountain, or my idea for grown up art camp.

Let's talk about fountain swimming.

IT was last year, I think, and we four (P&G, me & Luigi) went to the cajun music festival downtown. And the stage was set up in this area between the Adam's Mark hotel and one of the office buildings. the area is grassy, with nice landscaping = trees and a really cool fountain. The fountain is more like a little stream that connects a small upper pool and runs under a pathway and into a large, shallow pool and down a stepped wall to make a little waterfall and into another pool. (I'll try to remember to take photos some day...) anyway, it was hot. so we were sitting on the edge of the large shallow pool, paddling our feet... and Goat started it. She kicked water on Pretzel (which is totally expected, if you have met her) and it was on. they were splashing and wrestling, and ended up totally soaked... and they swam in the pool and discovered that the connecting stream is wide and deep enough that you can go from pool to pool, under the path...
Needless to say, the kids in the crowd thought this was a great idea. And so there were all kinds of people in the water, dancing and splashing and having a great time, thank you very much.
And then there was this guy (I will call him Spoilsport) who started telling everyone that they shouldn't be in the water, that it had some chemical in it that was bad for you or something... just basically living up to his nickname. We ignored him. And then when we walked back to the car, we discovered that the shoes Luigi had left in the church parking lot we walked thru on our way to the music festival were still there. And so there were many jokes about his shoes being so bad that even homebums wouldn't take them...

That was a very good day.

wisdom from South Park

I never thought I would find such a pertinent and poignant piece of wisdom in a cable show... much less South Park. I guess I underestimated the show.
And what was this gem, you ask?
Well, I'll tell you...
(and not in song.)
It goes like this, in short form.
1. Wendy dumps Stan.
2. Stan acts depressed in classic movie form (walks in rain, doesn't talk, weeps quietly under street light, etc.)
3. Stan joins goths. Acts depressed in classic goth form (dresses in black, smokes, writes bleeding darkness emptied soul poetry, etc.)
4. Butters falls in love with girl from Raisins (which is a sick joke by itself, may rant on this later)
5. Butters gets dumped by girl from Raisins.
6. Butters acts depressed in classic movie form (see above.)
7. Stan and goth crew come across Butters weeping under streetlight in the rain.

And they have a conversation.

Stan (et al) ask Butters about how he feels (how bad does it suck, how empty is his soul, how far is the light, etc. etc.)
And Butters tells them that yeah, it hurts a lot.
But that it's not the end of the world. He explains that somehow the extreme depth of his pain makes him feel more alive, because of the intensity of the feeling. That he knows that he can feel this bad because he has felt so good before.

Wow.
I had thought about this before. But it had never ever occured to me that South Park, of all situations, would explore this concept.

I am glad to be reminded, though. Even if it was South Park.