"end, begin, all the same.

Big change. Sometimes good, sometimes bad." -- Augrah, The Dark Crystal

I love that movie.

Here we are, folks, at that point again. Humans are really into this boundary thing -- end, begin, here, there, mine yours theirs ours in out now then near far blah blah blah.

But it give us something to do.

So:

there are a few things about me that I am working on changing/learning/figuring out. I am seeing 30 on the horizon and moving fast. I am learing all about the anecdote that says you might as well do it now because if you don't, it won't get done, and you will be the same age if you do as if you don't.

Age.

I have become accustomed through most of my life to being the oldest in my social group. There are a couple of folks I hang around with that are older than me, but for the most part, I'm the elder. And now I am bearing down upon yet another landmark/milestone. I don't know how I feel about it, or should feel about it, or if I really ought to pay any attention to it at all.

Indecision.

A continuing trait throughout my life: the inability to make a decision. Or to stick with said decision, once made. I admire those folks who can come to a conclusion /pick something/ answer questions in a timely fashion and then make these things work for them. I have the horrible need to be right in my choices, even when there really is no right to be had.

Personality.

I have noticed that my Leo traits are beginning to truly blossom, now that I am much more secure in my self, my life; more safe. Mucho kudos to my best friend and dream guardian, Luigi. He has made a safe place in my life for me to really find out who and how I am and to be that person. I'm not really sure about some of the things about me, though.
Bossiness, for example. I am really becoming a pushy wench, and while I try to temper it with smiles and laughter, it doesn't change the fact. It's ok at work, I guess, because somebody has to lead/direct the team, point them in the right direction etc.; and they generally follow my direction. I don't have any more power than they do, nor even more responsiblity. I guess I just see it as a "somebody has to do it" situation, and as long as nobody complains I guess it works. What else:
I am more -- direct? Open? Public? Maybe comfortable. I am coming to grips with my physical self and being more relaxed about it. I'm not totally convinced that this is always a good thing. However, it could be that I am feeling my lack of sense of style -- this is affected distinctly by my lack of funding for wardrobe, I am sure. I have been ruled by my need to be comfortable instead of fashionable for years; now, I am doubting the wisdom of that trend and trying to make the twain meet.

Goals.

I am beginning to understand the idea of a career and a life plan. The question "where do you see yourself in five years" suddenly makes sense. I don't know that I actually have an answer yet (see "Indecision" above) but I get the point in it; I feel the movement of time.
So what do I want to do in my life?
Write.
Paint.
Maybe do the family thing; I'm not sure about that, it's pretty scary.
See the ocean again.
Own a house.
Make a cloak.
Sew a quilt.
Exercise more.
Get all those pictures scanned and/or into albums.
Write letters. Not email, but actual pen and paper letters. And regularly.
Keep a tidy and welcoming home. (Emphasis on the keep, there.)
There are many more, but I forget them on a regular basis.

Consistency.

I want to start doing a thing and continue it in a regular fashion. This applies to almost everything in my life right now. I am so terrible bad about beginning a thing and leaving off partway through.


I suppose that is more than enough for right now.

Happy New Year.

#100

Post # 99

Ok.
Had dinner with some of the webring folks (see just about everyone else's blogs for details) and there were photos taken. Red has a couple posted if you want to see. Ninsi's engagment pendant is truly lovely, it was nice to meet Red in person, got to see Zero and girlfriend again (he looked and acted like he felt pretty good) also got to see the Squid, and I am so going to have to look for one of those hats. You can see it in the group shot on Red's page.
We were invited to go along to Shreveport for the NYE festivities, but we're not going to go, after all. Sorry folks.


That's about all I wanted to say right now. There's more for tomorrow.

get a clue

It's damn near impossible to compete with the wedding noise; therefore, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?

So:

hey, Phlome. (/Ninsi)

You want to know why nobody has voted for the April 4, 2006 option?
'Cause it's on a damn Tuesday. That's why. A Friday, yeah. A Saturday, woot.
but a Tuesday??

Come on.

Really.

Aside from that, I think early April is lovely. So, how about, like, April 7? 8? 14?

Think about it.


Advice dispensed, I return to the Legends of Symphonia, which is currently keeping me from my sleeping for the next few days. I really dig the game, but it's a bit of a bitch trying to run it without the manual. Sigh.

saturday mornings

they used to be all about all the cereal you could eat (or get away with) and cartoons until the parents insisted you go outside or clean your room or whatever.

But now...
I don't like the cartoons that were on the last time I tried to watch them; and anymore I am still awake at the cartoon hour as opposed to getting up. And I don't really eat cereal anymore.

But I am thinking about ressurecting this ritual -- and if I don't like what is available on tv, I'll just have to find the old faithfuls -- on dvd, vhs, or downloaded, if necessary. I long for even the feeling of the more innocent times, when I didn't have demands for my time and money -- hell, when I didn't have money and it didn't matter one lick.

I just want to sit on the couch (yay, the couch! thanks again to M&W) and eat cereal or donuts or whatever and stare at the brightly colored pictures on the screen and run for the bathroom when a commercial interrupts in the third hour of watching. And after that, I may go back to bed.


what is/was your favorite cartoon?

"C-O-F-F-E-E,

coffee is not for me..."
what a lie this has become. Granted, I only drink my own, probably crappy, brew; but when I drink it, I drink a lot of it. I'm drinking some right now. I wonder why it tastes so different when you reheat it?...
I also don't drink it straight. I doctor mine: the favorite trick is to add hot chocolate mix -- this is called "coffee of shitness" around here. We attribute this discovery to the Goat, but I would like to say that I have always added cappucino to my coffee when purchased at QuikTrip. (I love QT, btw. Just so you know.) But she was definetly the one who graced the concoction with the title "coffee of shitness" so I guess I'll let it stand.

I do wish the picture had shown up on the last quiz; I kind of liked it.

I need to change the quote under the title of this page -- any suggestions?
maybe I could put up a poll, if I got enough good ones. Otherwise, I have no burning indecisions I need remedied by the masses, thank you. I'm trying to quit.

if I were a Disney Princess...

You Are Aurora! (A.K.A. Sleeping Beauty.)

Thoughtful and loving. Authority figures probably have been sheltering you all of your life. Thankfully you're a very tranquil person who is content with what life has given you, but secretly you want to know how the outside world works.

Which Disney Princess Are You?


wow and goddamn. don't you just hate it when some stupid piece of pop-pseudopsychology nails you?

just more mental crud.

Ninsi said she was getting spam comments. So I went back through the old posts, just skimming, to see what the comments said. I found a couple that said there were more comments than there really were, don't know what's up with that, but no spam comments. huh.
I also noticed that the last post was #70.
Ick. I hate this week. It makes me feel restless.
However, I have been able to do things at my table lately, and as I have actually been accomplishing things, I feel very satisfied about it.
I have no quiz to post, no list, no jokes. I'm just tired right now. Run down. Battery low.
The Lady W and Lord M gave us their old couch. Luigi and Lord M carried it down the street and it was a sonovabitch getting it into the apartment because of the way the apt is laid out. But it is tremendously comfortable, and Danger Cat has already claimed one corner as hers.

ok, I'm done.

Tony

Last Sun. we took in Dr. Nick's cat, Tony. He has another one, Mina, but she's gone to live with mom until he can get his own place.
The reason we took Tony is that Dr. Nick moved in with his friend J, and J's gf, K. K decided that she wanted her own cat, therefore Dr. Nick could not bring his. He wasn't happy about this, but that's not the story here.
So we get the cat.
You remember that we have a little cat ourselves, Danger Cat?
She was not happy.
Of course, that could have a bit to do with the fact that the first thing we did when we brought Tony in was to put flea drops on the necks of both cats, and that always makes her pissy. And then there's the whole "who is this in my territory" thing. We were prepared for a few fights, for lots of skulking and growling and hissing. Danger Cat did all the noise making. Tony just found a place to put his enormous ass and stayed there. He's solid black, long fur, yellow eyes. And so amazingly calm... Let me tell you, for such a small creature, she sure can make some big noises. Nowhere near as calm as Tony. But it's kind of hard to be that laid back...
She has gotten used to him, pretty much, and I'm sure the fact that he is so mellow and amazingly calm has a lot to do with it. She would growl and hiss at him, and he would just look at her -- or move. But he didn't really growl back, and he hasn't tried to take over. She told him that my drawing table was hers, goddamit, and he said ok then. The top of the chest by the window, the top of the drawers by the computer desk, and the computer desk itself -- these are his places. He wasn't nasty about it, at all, he just started hanging out there, and she didn't argue.
So today, after I get up off the floor where Luigi had made me a pallet in front of the fireplace, I go into the kitchen to make cinnamon rolls. (Mmmmm, cinnamon rolls....) Tony is having a bite to eat, and DC is sitting in front of the stove, behind him. She has taken to following him around, like she wants to play with him, but he won't really play. Of course, she is like 1/3 his size (no exaggeration.) and younger than he is. But last night, there was about 30 seconds of running chasing play going on. I'm thinking that by the time Dr. Nick comes to take Tony home, Tony and DC will be very good friends and she will be heartbroken when he leaves.

If I can catch them close enough together to get a picture, I will post it so you can see the size difference. But be warned -- Tony will probably just show up as a big black spot, maybe with some eyes in it.