I love that movie.
Here we are, folks, at that point again. Humans are really into this boundary thing -- end, begin, here, there, mine yours theirs ours in out now then near far blah blah blah.
But it give us something to do.
So:
there are a few things about me that I am working on changing/learning/figuring out. I am seeing 30 on the horizon and moving fast. I am learing all about the anecdote that says you might as well do it now because if you don't, it won't get done, and you will be the same age if you do as if you don't.
Age.
I have become accustomed through most of my life to being the oldest in my social group. There are a couple of folks I hang around with that are older than me, but for the most part, I'm the elder. And now I am bearing down upon yet another landmark/milestone. I don't know how I feel about it, or should feel about it, or if I really ought to pay any attention to it at all.
Indecision.
A continuing trait throughout my life: the inability to make a decision. Or to stick with said decision, once made. I admire those folks who can come to a conclusion /pick something/ answer questions in a timely fashion and then make these things work for them. I have the horrible need to be right in my choices, even when there really is no right to be had.
Personality.
I have noticed that my Leo traits are beginning to truly blossom, now that I am much more secure in my self, my life; more safe. Mucho kudos to my best friend and dream guardian, Luigi. He has made a safe place in my life for me to really find out who and how I am and to be that person. I'm not really sure about some of the things about me, though.
Bossiness, for example. I am really becoming a pushy wench, and while I try to temper it with smiles and laughter, it doesn't change the fact. It's ok at work, I guess, because somebody has to lead/direct the team, point them in the right direction etc.; and they generally follow my direction. I don't have any more power than they do, nor even more responsiblity. I guess I just see it as a "somebody has to do it" situation, and as long as nobody complains I guess it works. What else:
I am more -- direct? Open? Public? Maybe comfortable. I am coming to grips with my physical self and being more relaxed about it. I'm not totally convinced that this is always a good thing. However, it could be that I am feeling my lack of sense of style -- this is affected distinctly by my lack of funding for wardrobe, I am sure. I have been ruled by my need to be comfortable instead of fashionable for years; now, I am doubting the wisdom of that trend and trying to make the twain meet.
Goals.
I am beginning to understand the idea of a career and a life plan. The question "where do you see yourself in five years" suddenly makes sense. I don't know that I actually have an answer yet (see "Indecision" above) but I get the point in it; I feel the movement of time.
So what do I want to do in my life?
Write.
Paint.
Maybe do the family thing; I'm not sure about that, it's pretty scary.
See the ocean again.
Own a house.
Make a cloak.
Sew a quilt.
Exercise more.
Get all those pictures scanned and/or into albums.
Write letters. Not email, but actual pen and paper letters. And regularly.
Keep a tidy and welcoming home. (Emphasis on the keep, there.)
There are many more, but I forget them on a regular basis.
Consistency.
I want to start doing a thing and continue it in a regular fashion. This applies to almost everything in my life right now. I am so terrible bad about beginning a thing and leaving off partway through.
I suppose that is more than enough for right now.
Happy New Year.
#100
